In S1E3 of Women and Families in Peacebuilding, host Jeanne Bessell speaks with Maruko Breland about how communication with her husband changed after the birth of their second child, and how honesty, mentorship, and trust helped their family find a new rhythm.
The birth of a child can bring deep joy, but it can also change the way a family functions overnight. For couples, what once felt natural may need to be rebuilt with patience, honesty, and care.
In S1E3: “Learning to Communicate After Birth,” Jeanne Bessell speaks with Maruko Breland about marriage, motherhood, and asking for help during one of life’s most vulnerable transitions. After the birth of their second child, a daughter who was born prematurely, Maruko and her husband, Nathan, faced a new family reality. They were caring for a newborn in the NICU while supporting their seven-year-old son. Their days were shaped by hospital visits, sleep deprivation, recovery, emotional stress, and the needs of two children at different stages of life.
Maruko was recovering physically while also navigating hormonal changes, emotional exhaustion, and the pressure to keep everything together. Nathan was adjusting to his role as a father of two and trying to understand how best to support his wife and children. In those early weeks, communication became difficult. Maruko expected Nathan to understand what she needed without always saying it clearly. Nathan wanted to help, but he could not fully know what she was experiencing unless she voiced it. They needed more than love. They needed language, clarity, and support.
A turning point came when they reached out to mentors. Outside guidance helped them step back and see their situation more clearly. When a couple is deep inside a difficult season, emotions are close, needs are urgent, and both people may be trying their best while still missing each other. Their mentors helped them name what was needed. For Maruko, the lesson was clear: her husband could not read her mind. If she needed help, rest, support, or understanding, she had to say it. For Nathan, the mentors explained that Maruko was going through real physical, hormonal, and emotional changes after childbirth. She needed patience and reassurance as she recovered.
That guidance moved them from silent expectation to clearer communication and helped them begin making decisions together. One of the most powerful parts of Maruko’s story is her honesty about how hard it was to ask for help. She wanted to be independent and did not want to feel like a burden. Even when she was in pain and exhausted, part of her felt she should push through. Many mothers know this feeling. But motherhood, especially after birth, is not a season where a woman should be expected to carry everything alone. It is a time when her body, mind, and heart need care, and when family and community matter deeply.
As Maruko reflects in the conversation: “Motherhood especially is a very vulnerable time and that’s the time to band together and ask for help. This is not a time to tough it out because… it could be very dangerous for our own personal, physical, mental, emotional recovery if we didn’t seek help.”
This is the heart of the episode. Asking for help is not weakness. It is wisdom, protection, and love for the mother, the baby, the marriage, and the whole family. Maruko’s story also shows that communication is not only about talking more. It is about learning to talk differently. It is about saying, “This is what I need,” while also asking, “What do you need too?” Mothers and fathers may experience the same family transition in different ways, and both experiences matter.
As Maruko began to voice her needs more clearly, she also learned to consider Nathan’s perspective. Their communication became less about frustration and more about partnership. They began asking what was best not only for the baby, but also for their son, their marriage, and the wellbeing of the entire family. With their daughter in the NICU and their son unable to enter that space, Nathan took time off work to care for him. He and their son spent time together, creating stability during a stressful season.
In that decision, the family found a healthier rhythm. Maruko could focus on the baby’s care and her own recovery. Nathan could support their son and remain present as a father. Their older child received attention, reassurance, and bonding time instead of feeling lost in the crisis. This is what strong family communication can do. It does not remove every hardship, but it helps a family face hardship together.
“Learning to Communicate After Birth” is hopeful because it tells the truth: even loving couples can struggle when they are tired, overwhelmed, and afraid. But with humility, mentorship, patience, and honest words, couples can grow stronger. Maruko and Nathan’s story encourages every parent walking through a difficult transition: you do not have to figure it out alone. You can ask for help, speak your needs, adjust expectations, seek mentors, and build a wider village around your family.
Strong families are built by people who keep choosing one another in the middle of struggle. They listen, speak honestly, make room for recovery, protect the wellbeing of the whole family, and slowly, one conversation at a time, find their way forward.
Watch S1E3: “Learning to Communicate After Birth” here.
